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EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Luke encounters a fierce Wampa while trapped in the ice predator’s cave. He uses the Force to reach out for his lightsaber… calls upon the Force, that power of goodness, light, and interconnectedness in the spirit of life… then slashes the Wampa, watches its bloody arm thump on the floor and leave the hairy beast to shout in misery.

Of course, the most famous scene in the movie is when it is revealed to Luke that Darth Vader is his father. Vader, of course, has started the relationship off on a friendly, open path by lopping his dear son’s hand off, watching it (and the lightsaber it clutches) fall into the bowels of the Cloud City central chasm.

Funnily enough, Luke only lets out one short, sharp shout when he loses his hand, but when Vader just says four little words to him he starts howling like a banshee, tears flowing to his eyes. If your hand just got chopped off, would you be more depressed about that or the fact that your father happens not to be dead? Personally I’d rejoice and say “Father! You’re not dead! Oh happy day!” and welcome him with open arms. Except that Luke’s arms aren’t quite as open as they used to be, his wingspan somewhat reduced.

Meanwhile Sigmund Freud is blaming all this on Padmé. No, seriously, don't laugh, I've read some theories from actual film scholars that this scene is a castration analogue. Great. So Star Wars is really about testicle removal. Thank you, but I prefer to keep the male genitals out of discussion of some of my favorite films of childhood.

Oh, and let’s not forget that Luke also loses his penis. I mean, lightsaber. Well, it’s not his—it’s his father’s—Vader’s. Maybe Vader is trying to say: “You lazy bum! That’s my lightsaber and I don’t want your unwashed hands touching it. Get off your ass and make your own bloody lightsaber.”

But what happens to Luke’s hand? You’ll find out…

All turns out well for Luke in the end, though. He gets a new one on the Redemption, an Alliance medical frigate with the sort of name that good guys give their ships. We see that his new hand looks realistic, and can feel pain. He has regained his soul or humanity or whatever shit George is trying to make us believe this week.

Then he says the epic line “May the Force be with you.” What a great last line for the movie! What a fantastic closing line! An affirmation of courage, of hope, of camaraderie, of connectedness in the oversoul of the world!

Then he ruins it by saying “Ow!” while his new hand’s pain sensors are being tested out.

God damn, I hate these movies sometimes.