So there's this really weird thread at the JC...

Our icon. Copy-and-paste, it's a Tripod image. The evil JC admins won't upload it though. :|
http://members.tripod.com/~Adam_P_B/jcicons/targetgirl.gif

Song parodies by Adam Bertocci

to the tune of "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood

If I get a bit of schoolwork done
I'll buy something I like;
I can go over to Target
On my twenty-one-speed bike.
I'll get a special Star
Trek fan club magazine
And just to impress the cashier,
A new tube of acne cream!
And I'm proud to shop at Target
Where the girls are so pretty.
And I won't forget to check the thread
For updates about Cathy.
And I'll gladly shop there once again,
It's the best place in the world.
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love that chick--
God bless the Target girl.
From the articles and theories
To the fun song parodies
The in-jokes and images
All over the JC
We may have too much free time
And not much of note to say
But there comes a time in each man's life
When it's time to stand and say:
That I'm proud to shop at Target
Where the girls are so pretty.
And I won't forget to check the thread
For updates about Cathy.
And I'll gladly shop there once again,
It's the best place in the world.
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love that chick--
God bless the Target girl.

not quite to the tune of "Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison

I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl

I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
I li-ike a Tar---get--- girl
(repeats ad nauseum)

to the tune of "In the House of Stone and Light" by Martin Page

O my homeschool, please release me;
Ride my 21-speed, buy some acne cream.
I've been biking to my Target store
Where they sell nerd magazines and feature something more.

I'm telling you,
I will not rest till I get recognized
I'm gonna go in the Target with Catharine

I shall not cry
If she isn't working there tonight
When I go to the Target with Catharine
The Target with Catharine

What a lady, oh bless my soul;
Tell me of that place where I must surely go.
She is waiting at the counter for me,
Give me the receipt when I give you money

I'm telling you,
I will not rest till I get recognized
I'm gonna go in the Target with Catharine

I'll make my way,
O gonna be such a beautiful day
In the Target with Catharine
In the Target with Catharine

She gets in beneath my skin,
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh.
In the Target with Catharine

The thread is long on that message board
Have some dignity, guys, and go read porn.
And I will embrace the girl with the pretty face,
Come the day I date the girl within
In the Target with Catharine

She is the queen
Of the Star Trek Magazine
In the Target with Catharine
I'll see her in
In the Target with Catharine

Target she's in, I love Catharine
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh.

In the Target with Catharine
In the Target with Catharine
(repeat and fade)

to the tune of "Our House" by Madness

Cathy wears a crimson vest
Seems she's tired, she needs a rest
And Eagle's biking up out front
On his bike of many speeds
Guess he's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the

Target it has a crowd
There's always something happening
And it's usually quite loud
And the cashier, she is proud
Nothing ever slows her down
And a mess is not allowed

Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the
Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the
(I don't ever ever want to get away from it)

Cathy, tell me you're at work
Cathy, don't think I'm a jerk
When I come here from homeschool
See me off with a small kiss
She's the one I'm going to miss
In lots of ways

Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the

I remember way back then when everything was true and when
We would have such a very good time such a fine time
Such a happy time
And I remember how we'd play simply waste the day away
Then we'd say nothing would come between us two dreamers

Cathy wears a crimson vest
Seems she's tired, she needs a rest
And Eagle's biking up out front
On his bike of many speeds
Guess he's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the
Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the
Target, can you sell me acne cream?
Target, in the middle of the street
Target, for a Star Trek magazine
Target, in the middle of the street
Target, in the middle of the street

to the tune of "Macarena" by Los Del Rio

SPANISH

Dale a clientes alegria, Catarina
Vende la crema del acné y "Star Trek" revistas
Dale a clientes alegria, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

Catarina tiene cliente que se llama
Que se llama Aguila I Peliculas
Que escriba en Consejo de los Jedi
Sobre Catarina su amiga!

Dale a clientes alegria, Catarina
Vende la crema del acné y "Star Trek" revistas
Dale a clientes alegria, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

Catarina trabaja en Target
Que se vende los modelos mas modernos
Le gustaria huir de Charlotte
Y tener trabaja nuevo

Dale a clientes alegria, Catarina
Vende la crema del acné y "Star Trek" revistas
No tenemo vida, y te amo, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

ENGLISH (not a strict translation of the above, but one that fits the meter)

Give to all your shoppers happy shopping, Catarina
Sell them lots of acne cream and "Star Trek" magazine-a
Give to all your shoppers happy shopping, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

Catarina has a customer who is named
Who has the name of EagleIFilms
And he writes to all his friends on Jedi Council
About his Catherine-at-Target friend

Give to all your shoppers happy shopping, Catarina
Sell them lots of acne cream and "Star Trek" magazine-a
Give to all your shoppers happy shopping, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

Catarina, she works at Target
Where they sell all the hottest new rainment
Yet she still wants to get out of Charlotte
And find herself new employment

Give to all your shoppers happy shopping, Catarina
Sell them lots of acne cream and "Star Trek" magazine-a
I have no life, and I love you, Catarina
Hey, Catarina! (ay!)

Historical Record: First Post

Ok, I'll start at the beginning.

I'm homeschooled, so when I get a good amount of work done, and I have a good reason to do so, I ride my 21-speed over to the local Target. Today, I needed the nest Star Trek Magazine and some acne wash.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, there was theis REALLY hot girl who was a cashier. I, of course, went to her check-out place, rather than the grumpy grandmother or the middle-aged woman who'd think I was a hoodlum, what with my leather jacket and all.

We talked for a minuite, and then I left.

Now, every time I go, I go over to her check-out place, and she says 'hi', and then I leave.

I'm not sure if she even remembers me, but every time I go, she says 'how was your weekend', 'be careful in the snow', or 'You wanna go out for a cappachino some time?' (ok, she's never said that).

Now, to get this to a topic for discussion, here's a question:

Is there anyone you see regularly who is hot, but you're not sure actually remembers you from one day to the next?

posted by EagleIFilms, 2/25/02, 8:57 AM JC time

Lyrics to "Right on Target" by Paul Parker and Patrick Cowley

(looong instrumental lead-in)

Tell me, what’s your secret
How do you know what you know
You can see right through me
Deep into my soul
Maybe you’ve got magic
Powers in your mind
Mysteries unfolding
Seek and you will find
Yeah

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
Shoot me through and through
You’re right on target

Feelin’ like a river
Flowin’ to the sea
Nothin’ stops emotion
In the hand of destiny
Aimin’ with precision
Let your arrow fly
Judgin’ all the angles
With an eagle’s eye
Yeah

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
Shoot me through and through
You’re right on target

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
And your aim is true
You’re right on target

(long instrumental section)

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
Shoot me through and through
You’re right on target

Maybe you’ve got magic
Powers in your mind
Mysteries unfolding
Seek and you will find
Feelin’ like a river
Flowin’ to the sea
Nothing stops emotion
In the hand of destiny
Yeah

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
Shoot me through and through
You’re right on target

‘Cause if you’re thinkin’
I’ll be lovin’ you
You’re right on target
Love is an arrow
And your aim is true
You’re right on target
You’re right on target (x7…instrumental bit)

FAQtharine

Who is Cathy?

Who *IS* Cathy?

Seriously.

Catharine / Cathy worked at a Target in Charlotte, NC, the one on 1900 Matthews Township Parkway. Eagle saw her and posted a thread. Hilarity ensued.

Does she still work there?

No.

Do we know what happened to her or if she knows of this thread?

No.

Did Eagle ever ask her out?

No.

Are you about to post four "no" answers in a row?

(the Internet explodes)

What did she look like?

We have no official photographs, though over time, we have chosen to symbolize her with Jennifer Connelly and this Photoshop image.

Names as diverse as Natalie Portman, Sandra Scales and the dark-haired pretty girl on the DFilms site have been thrown out as potential look-alikes though. Short answer is, we'll never quite know.

From Eagle, we get the following data: "Hair = brown / eyes = green / height = about 5'5" I'd say / wearing = cute red vest, black pants / ears = pierced many times / smile = wide / Braces = no / nametag = 'Catharine' / Tracts of land (think Monty Python) = medium (YOU SAID DETAIL!) ... Any freckles? Yes, but she's not bespeckled / Polished nails? / Well, duh. And Target Red, of course... ... approximate hair length? / To the shoulders."

Who else has seen her besides EagleIFilms?

RidingMyCaroselOnYou. But remember, it's less important to see the Target girl in Charlotte than the Target girl in all of us.

Why do you post so much if she doesn't even work there?

Because we're bored.

Is it true that Jennifer Connelly was in a movie with a Target scene?

"Career Opportunities", for all your Target-in-a-movie needs.

Is it true that Adam's writing a movie script called "So There's You" based on Eagle and Cathy?

Not any more, but 'they' are a subplot in a film he's writing, "The Choices We Make".

Does Eagle still have the Star Trek magazine?

Yes and no.

It is known that he had it for some time after meeting Cathy. And there is no discernible evidence that it left his house or was discarded. We therefore have reason to believe that the magazine, while still technically and legally in his possession, is somewhere in an Eagle-centric void, just waiting to be found again. This is important and fitting. Like Cathy herself, she remains just outside one's grasp. While it is unlikely that we will ever physically uncover the Star Trek magazine again, as it may have gone on a voyage of self-discovery, its essence blesses us all each day. Perhaps its sacredness was too powerful for it to exist in this physical realm, and it blasted itself into another dimension to exist among higher beings.

In short... it's not gone, just permanently misplaced.

Think of the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark if it helps.

Fan-Films-To-English Dictionary

Many people on the TFN Fan Films forum come visit the thread. We talk about fan films crap in the thread. Here.

FAN FILMS TERM: Niobe Dean
MEANING: Played Calis in Broken Allegiance; hot and unattainable; legendary for being as such
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: Cathy

FAN FILMS TERM: Chris Hanel
MEANING: guy who made excellent fan film The Formula; will never sleep with Natalie Portman
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: That one guy who lived down the street who everyone figured would make good one day

FAN FILMS TERM: What is meatball? [sometimes with emphasis on is]
MEANING: Fan films in-joke/cult rising from a thread that was trying to ask "What is a metaball?"
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: So there's this really hot girl at Target..., Blue Yoda

FAN FILMS TERM: Kitten killing
MEANING: Off-topic and uncalled-for promotion of a fan film that cannot be mentioned at this time; has nothing to do with m*****b****n
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: N/A

FAN FILMS TERM: Duality
MEANING: Film that no one is finding despite existence of Google search
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: Holy Grail, Ark of the Covenant, 19,000 votes in Florida

FAN FILMS TERM: rotoscoping
MEANING: animation based in tracing real-life objects; used to make lightsabers in tedious manner
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: torture, agony, proof that God hates us

FAN FILMS TERM: Digital Llama Radio (AKA DLR)
MEANING: Online radio talk show starring Chris Hanel about fan films
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: Roger Ebert meets Whose Line is it Anyway

FAN FILMS TERM: Run Leia Run (AKA RLR)
MEANING: Fan film Adam made that he can't stop mentioning
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: Meowwwww... (dies)

FAN FILMS TERM: JediTAC
MEANING: A poster there who inspires fear in all
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: One of them horsemen of the apocalypse, I guess?

FAN FILM TERM: Iron Fist of the Obsidian Sith
MEANING: Hoax, newbie-confuser, source of joy for those who have been around for a while.
EVERYDAY TRANSLATION: Non-conflicting Star Wars